Aug 20, 2018
As our regular listeners know, Dan is working on a new book, What Men Would Tell You If They Weren’t Too Busy Watching TV with his good friend Dr. Allen Berger. Allen is back on the podcast this week— as he is the third week of every month— to share more of the “whys and hows” behind the book.
In this episode, Dan and Allen talk about why they chose to write a book specifically for women. The Man Rules tend to prohibit men from being truly open and honest about who they are and what they need. It can be difficult for women to find a way in, in order to develop a deeper connection. The book is all about helping women create an opening in the relationship where there wasn’t one before. Through the questions and conversation topics Dan and Allen suggest in the book, women may once again be able to see their relationships as places of endless possibility, almost as they did when they first met their man. To help illustrate those possibilities, Dan and Allen share examples from their work with couples and from their own lives and relationships.
The book, however, is not about women having to change who they are in order to make that connection. Part of the secret is women learning not to take their partners’ behaviors personally. Dan and Allen cannot emphasize enough that if a man is acting inappropriately or in any way abusively, the woman has no role to play in “fixing” that.. That woman should put down the book and get professional help for her safety and to help heal or end the relationship.
As Dan says, “At the end of the day we're really just trying to provide a resource for women to get a better look at the inner lives of men. We want to create a little more compassion and empathy providing a different perspective on their man's behavior.”
There is no question that our society is deeply interested in how men and women get along these days. And there are certainly models that have attempted to negotiate that. What Allen and Dan are doing is a different approach. No more of this "we're from different planets" crap. This is two men who are very committed to growing in their relationships with the women in their lives. They believe part of the solution is helping women better understand men from a conscious man's perspective.
We’d love to hear what you think about this episode, AND/OR to hear about your experiences with the Man Rule we’ll be covering next month: Don’t cry. Please email dan@themanrules.com with your questions and comments. Or reach out on Facebook or Twitter.